‘Friends will carry you but they will never bring you back’ that was a popular refrain in my house, when I was growing up. There was always more interest in my academic achievements than my friendships. Now, this isn’t a dig, that’s just how it was back in 70’s/80’s. As children we were left to form or break friendships without interference. I confess, I had begun to adopt the same patterns, when I became a mum. When I attend my son’s first parents’ evening, I could not fathom why I was being told he was popular and had many friends. My only concern was how was he doing in school. However, that information came later on. He’s older now and I’m parenting him and his sister. I’ve learnt that supporting my children in establishing friendships is just as important and academic achievements. In fact, I suggest it’s more important. Learning how to establish and foster healthy relationships is integral to our wellbeing and mental health. Muhammad Ali is quoted as saying, Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.’
The Benefits Of Friendship
I recently spoke to a new mum about her baby’s routine and interaction. I asked about her friends and possibly meeting up with them with her baby. She said she only had one but they didn’t do things like that. Her comment struck a chord with me. I realised this happens to many women. When we marry and become mothers, some of us lose our network. Boomers seemed to have more commuity. Gen X were left to flounder in the pursuit of modern living, nuclear families and busy work days. We were not thought or shown how to look after maintain a social life and wellbeing.
A study has shown that, ‘Loneliness is a common experience with 80% of population below 18 years of age …. Young people ‘lack definite copying skills and adolescent period is the time of life when being accepted and loved is of such major importance to the formation of one’s identity.’
I would argue if left unchecked and unsupported, we don’t learn how to establish healthy friendships. Hence, this could lead to unhealthy relationships, anxiety and suffer from depression in later life.
Life is busy as new wife and mother which is whicy we may not notice what is missing until our children have are grown or if there is a marital breakdown.
Friendship As Personal Development
Apart from staving off loneliness, why is friendship important? Healthline states:
‘If you want to create positive change in your life or have a habit you want to break, friends can help you maintain your resolve to practice healthier habits. This may be one reason why strong friendships can lengthen your life.’
One way friends can help you change for the better is by providing good examples. If you have a friends who keeps fit and looks after their wellbeing it can inspire you to make postive choices. You can be gym buddies, plan meet-ups for a walk and chit-chat. Plan a lunch date at a health food cafe or just grab a coffee and chat.
Good friendships can help you boost your self-confidence. Based on personal experience, during my periods of anxiety and depression, my friendship base was a beacon of light. Conversation is often over looked, but when we talk about our problems it lessens stress. Saying problem out loud is teh first step to getting help.
One of the most important skills a parent can teach their child is how to establish healthy friendships and to be a good friend. Kindness which is integral to friendship and changes society for the better. Some friendships we never outgrow. Older adults who are “living a socially active life and prioritizing social goals are associated with higher late-life satisfaction.” Diseases such as alzheimers and alcoholism, as well as, sleep disorder have been linked to lonliness.
We have nothing to loss and everything to gain by having healhty friendships. Life is for living and we can do that better with friends.
Updated 02/02/2025
Photo credit: Pexel.com
