When 2020 began, I felt low. It was a combination for being poorly over Xmas, hormones, financial worry AND self-doubt. Had I met my full potential in 2019? Friends and family had told me it looked like I was doing well. They were proud of me. However, I knew something they didn’t. I don’t get paid to attend events (many times I’m a plus one). I don’t get paid for posting on Instagram and Twitter or product reviews/features. Not one to stay beaten, I resumed exercising to clear my head. I also joined A Life More Inspired private group on Facebook, journaled and completed personality tests. When the mist parted, I saw clearly that while I’d met obstacles, I thrived in other areas. I’ve always made own path in life and that should be honoured. Allow me to share with you and my achievements of 2019.
Write your 2019 story
Last year I took part in A Life More Inspired free online 5 days challenge/programme to write my 2019 story. Day 1 wrote my challenges and wins of 2018. On Day 2 I wrote a list of things I wanted to achieve in 2019. Looking back I achieved many of my goals. Perhaps I could have done more but in hindsight, taking time to learn what is best. Honestly, I think where I fell short was by not focusing more on my word of the year Freedom, (and what I wanted to be free off) as well as, not completing day 5 and actually write ‘My 2019 Story’.
Although I have ‘gumption’, sometimes I lack the courage to dream deeply. Does that ever happen to you? Are you afraid of your own success? Or are you afraid to dream because your inner dreamer was slayed some time ago? Confession: both apply to me.
I asked myself, if I can dream, inspire and support others, why can’t I do it for myself? Food for thought…
Speaking it into being
In January 2019 I wrote I wanted: paid work (I ended up volunteering) collaborations (I took part in two JD Williams Campaigns) speaking engagements (did one debate on GMTV and a few on BBC 5 Live School Runnings segment) family breaks (we went to Isle of Man, Broadstairs and Llanelli to mention a few).
After doing all that, I decided to step into a long time hidden wish of mine, modelling. I signed with BAME agency. I have yet to be booked but the castings have allowed me to build on my confidence and literally step into the light. I have no doubt the right roles will come which would allow me to show the joys of being a 40+ plus woman of substance … big hair and all.
On Dreams Goals and Plans
Here’s the thing about me, I like to be to be practical. I can dream but it has to be meaningful and that can be a sticking point. Then Nicola (A Life More Inspired) recommended in her Facebook group that we try taking a personality test. One of the sites she recommended was 16 Personalities. When I read my results; it was like seeing me explained on page. I’m good at self-analysis and self-coaching but a link was missing. The test cleared it up for me. I learnt that I’m an Advocate personality type, one of the things it said was ‘Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction, and sensitivity not to create an advantage, but to create balance.’
That’s the reason I’ve always had a passion for knowledge and fair dissemtion of information. That’s why relished my time in library service and now enjoying blogging.
One day Nicola asked me if I had a magic wand would I choose to do. I couldn’t answer. Instead I pressed on with my new journal Goodbye 2019 Hello 2020 and AGAIN that question was put to me. The journal kept asking me in different ways, what I enjoy? What do I want? Piecing all my responses together, I saw what I wanted and was blocking myself from the vision due to self-doubt.
I want to continue blogging but I want to be paid for my services be it collaborations, panel appearances, modelling, travel blogging because what I offer is honesty, authenticity, The REAL. Now to get planning…
How about you? What have you got planned for 2020? How can I be of assistance to you? What content would be beneficial to you?