In the weeks before Valentina was due to be born I was in emotional turmoil. As much as I looked forward to her birth I was afraid of ‘losing’ time with Angelo. I didn’t want to have to ‘share’ my time. Although, Hubby sweetly said me it’s not about sharing or dividing time, it’s about having to children to love (or something to that effect) I was still blue about it. My love for Angelo is fierce. I can honestly say I don’t have a ‘favourite child’ but I do love them differently and it happened naturally.
|Angelo on Day 1|
When Angelo was born I was anxious and insecure for many reasons, one of them being he looked nothing like me. Bonding between mother and child is meant to be the most natural thing but I wondered if he would connect with me, as we looked so different. To date, I can say that while he does notice physical differences, and he clearly identifies more with Chinese people perhaps because he’s predominately interacted with his dad’s family; I am his mother. There are occasions, well… a lot of the time, when no one else will do. He loves me. I realise that I indulge him more than I should but I love the fact that he has a strong will and independent mind. In our communication there are lots of kisses and cuddles daily but I also don’t fuss if he tumbles or bumps himself. I acknowledge the hurt and I would never tell him “big boys don’t cry” BUT I do encourage him to get up and carry on. I talk to him in a plain simple regular conversational manner.
|Valentina on Day 1|
Then Valentina was born… she popped out into the birthing pool and the midwife said “Awh she looks just like her mum” naturally I thought she had afro features and my complexion. I turned around (as I was on all fours) to see this little pink baby with ‘Chinese eyes’ and thought “who is she (the midwidfe) trying fool”. Maybe its something they say as a standard. Valentina has been calm from the start… and I love her in a sweet adoring way. Although, I speak to her in conversational manner, I can’t help but slip in a few ‘cootchy cooes’. I look forward to our one to one time, when Angelo is at nursery. I hold her tight and we have cuddles and kisses galore. Her smile melts my heart and I wonder what I did to be so blessed with my own angel. I could sit and watch her blow spit bubbles all day. She is perfection, to me. I wish I could hold her 24/7 but I’m afraid of ‘spoiling her’ and I do enough holding of her big bro… STILL
I no longer lose sleep worrying about time sharing. I do the best I can with each child and hope that is enough. As a mum you do have to just get on with things, as they say.
Do you have more than one child? Are you expecting your second? Do you have any concerns about your quality time with any of your children? How did you lay your fears to rest?