I’ve been at home with my children for  2 1/2 years now and its starting to get to me. I realize its not the kind of thing a mother should think or say but I can’t help it. You see, I never ever in my wildest imagination EVER seriously thought I’d  be a stay at home mother and home-maker. I’m not  bored of being at home I just find it all consuming. I feel as though I’m slowly dying inside. Is this how it’s meant to be?

 

Returning to work after maternity leave

I returned to work when Angelo was 7 months old. It was time of turmoil: restructuring of the organization, redundancies, job roles changes and so on. I stepped into the same role but with different colleagues and larger workload.

Angelo kept getting sick. Hubby and I had no backup support. I stayed home often to look after Angelo. Let’s just say I was not employee of the month. In the end, I felt I had no choice but to leave. In hindsight I should have returned to work part-time but I didn’t want to be ‘difficult’. On my last day I practically dragged my feet leaving with a heavy heart and in tears. I had more of a job than a career but it was mine. 

Sea Heart

The Awakening

I remember reading The Awakening by Kate Chopin many years ago. I totally got Edna. At the time, husband and  children were no where in the distant horizon. Still, I understood how she felt. Yes, she was a bit childish and selfish. I’ll admit that I am a bit like that too but hey no one is perfect.

I remember when Edna expressed that she would give up her money and her life for her children but not herself. I understood what she meant. I remember saying to my mum once,  “I can’t be like you.” My mum is the sacrificing give it all to your children, keeping house running smoothly no matter what kinda mum. Clearly that trait did not rub of on me. Funnily enough the one thing she did not do as much, I do. I spend lots my time with my children.

 

Being a stay at home mum

As a stay at home mum, mum didn’t agonize over how to entertain us. By the time I could read all bedtime stories went out the window.  When my sisters came along I took them to their on their school charity walks and chaperoned on school outings.  It’s not a criticism that’s just how it was in my day.

siblings

The work place can be stressful but its a different type of stress. I do think it’s easier than minding children, for me anyway. It’s the constant thought of how to entertain them, how to keep the house clean and how to cook a meal with a child attached to my leg that’s draining.

 

On Postnatal Depression

My PND has gone. I didn’t experience it with Valentina. My head is clear, when not in a muddle because my children have kindly rehoused some possession of mine. The only blue feelings I get from time to time is feeling caged.

Mother and Daughter

Valentina 6 months old

 

God has a sense of humour, I always say. Just as I was thinking of returning to work, Valentina got sick, then Angelo and then hubby and me. Suddenly I was right back where I was 2 1/2 years ago. The issue I have to address: how will I cope if the children get sick when I’m back at work? I don’t have an answer yet. In the meantime I’m just rolling the idea around in my head. I want to return to some sort of job. I want to test the strength of my wings and fly free.

 

Working mum Vs Stay at home mum

Are you a working mum? What coping mechanisms do you have if your child(ren) goes sick? Are you a stay at home mum? How long have you been at home? How is it working out for you?

Comment below I would love to hear from you.

 

 

(updated 6th May 2020)

 

IOW

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