Hubby and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary this week. Seems like only yesterday that he nervously proposed to me at Lanes Restaurant, in the East End of London. We are in a good place. We are happy. He was the only man who broke say past my shyness and could cope with my passionate nature.  Nonetheless it has taken time to adjust to the changes that married life and becoming a parents brings. Having the right partner and being willing to work through things, that’s the game changer.

We were introduced by a mutual friend we had at the time. We chatted online and over the phone for a month before we met. Thank heavens for that, because if he was to judge by our first meeting he would have thought I had no personality. I barely looked him in the eyes for the entire date! Everyone stared at us, or so it felt. Baring family engagements and breakups we’ve not been apart since 2003.  We got used to the stares. I’ve made friends and lost friends. I can’t say that I dealt with certain situations well but I did my best at the time. When he proposed I felt a mixture of fear and joy followed by immediate runny tummy. Not my proudest moment but hey, that’s me. I feel things from my core. When I shared the news with my flatmates, one of them said, ‘Ah you are entering the golden cage’. Then came the dread. Not the feeling you’d expect is it? I could not come to terms with the notion of totally giving myself over to someone else, so to speak. One Sunday I attended a church service with a friend. The sermon was dedicated to marriage. It seemed to speak to me directly. What stuck with me most was when the pastor spoke about trust. Essentially, he said that if you have chosen the right person there will be no fear. When you know that person will never hurt you, then you will have no fear to let him take the lead. In that moment, my heart was at peace. I knew without a doubt I’d found him.

A school friend who been married for several years advised, ‘never go to bed angry’. I didn’t always heed that advice. Being proud and stubborn are not my best traits. Neither he nor I are argumentative people. We’ve had our fair share of few silent days and nights. Through my anger, frustration, resentment, and postnatal depression, I had no doubt that he loved me and loved him. Hubby knows me inside out. In our way, we’ve always worked things out. Then, there were the times when there’s nothing to be done but wait and let the other person work through their ‘thing’. He supports my aspirations but keeps me grounded. I like to think I’m his social conscience. I make him see the finer detail and consequence of things.

I’m grateful to the friends who listened to my crying rants. I appreciate you for reading my hysterical SMS. Many thanks to my amazing cyber mates who took the time to read and respond to my bleak and dark blog posts. Those of you who kept us in your prayers, THANK YOU. Remembering think before I spoke. His patience. We are now in a sweet spot. Who knows what the future holds but for all that we are and the promise of what we can be together, here’s to many more years together.

Happy Anniversary My Love!

 

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